Following mom's feet

Soon after my mom passed, I piled up all my red and brightly colored clothes, bundled them together in a furoshiki, and relegated that to a corner of my closet. I wouldn't be wearing them for three years: the culturally appropriate mourning period for a parent.

A couple weekends ago -- only about halfway into the prescribed period -- I painted my toenails red, a color I haven't used since I-don't-remember-when.

Why did I commit such a faux pas?!

For one thing, those "rules" only loosely apply to me because I wasn't born in the home country, and we aren't there now.

But the real reason -- the one that makes most sense to me -- is because rather than miss and mourn my mom, which I do all the time anyway without even thinking of it, I wanted to intentionally celebrate and be like her (which Ikind of am anyway thanks to genetics).

When I still lived with my parents, my Mom and I had a weekly Sunday night ritual: I'd give her a manicure and/or pedicure; she always had French manicured fingernails and red toenails. We'd chat a little about our day or week, and then mostly read or write -- or in my mom's case, household bookkeeping and such -- in our own little words, but right next to each other.

Last weekend, my dad and I went to the cemetery to visit Mom's grave. I hadn't been there since my birthday. And it felt especially right to be there with my red toenails. I think she would have been glad about them.

Someone I know would call this, "Saying 'yes' to life." I think that's why it felt so good. And I think my mom would have agreed.

Summer, so far

Could it be that it's only three weeks into summer? Life's been going at breakneck speed, so much so that I'm consciously creating me-time, even if it involves backing out of events previously committed to. Here are some snippets of what's been keeping me occupied:

• 
  
  Handmade tissue paper tassels for my BFF's birthday party

• 
  
  Checking out: Shakespeare, American poets, craft books, Newbery Award winners

• 
  
  Making pizza with my Italy friends

• 
  
  Farmers Markets (I'm lucky to have access to four, from Tuesday to Friday!)

• 
  
  Watermelon + feta salad (with sea salt, honey, and olive oil): this summer's staple

Much in between, and much more to go! A part of me feels like summer is entirely booked, but I am being intentional about finding making snippets of time for both big (being a bridesmaid in a month!) and little (calligraphy, coffee, conversations, crochet) things.

How are you spending your summer days?

Old School birthday bash

I love organizing and throwing parties for people. I love the planning, the sending, the organizing, the gathering of loved ones onto the birthday gal or guy. But when it comes to myself, I typically shy away and am content with a small dinner with my closest circle.

A few years ago I said to myself that by a certain age, I will love myself enough to throw my own birthday party.

"That certain age" was this year.  And amid doubt whether I'd actually follow through, I called my city and secured the gazebo area.  Once the credit card got charged, things got real.  So I downloaded the fonts (Marcelle and Colleged) and got out my contact list.

The theme: Old School.  Feelin' like a kid again. 

It couldn't have happened with all the help from friends far and near. My game masters filled up water balloons for the tossing.  Laid out sacks for racing.  And brought jute string for the three-legged race.  

My BFF laid out an entire spread to fulfill my "candy apple bar" request.  She even peeled the caramels, one by one, and melted them together. Another friend supplied the most delicious furikake Chex mix ever.  Yet another plucked and washed three whole bagfulls of lemons from his tree for me to have a lemonade stand. And cakes?  Three: the other BFF brought both the cake I wanted (a fruit tart) as well as "a proper birthday cake" (old school, complete with roses in our high school colors); and there was an awesome birthday brownie (which I may have taken home without sharing) with a secret message. 

My only real material contribution was the pinata, which was inspired by my inordinate love of polyhedra and high school Geometry Honors.  I'd wanted to cover it in tissue paper or fringed crepe, but ran out of time... but looks okay with seams done up in painter's tape.  I filled it with old school candies: Smarties, Tootsie Rolls, and Dum Dums. Everyone insisted that I take a turn at bat, and I need to tell you how desperately difficult it is to willfully destroy something you so lovingly created -- even if you made it to be destroyed.  I wasn't strong enough, but my brother (pictured) gave it a good go, and another karate-practicing friend gave it the death blow: a drop kick.  Beautiful yet painful to watch.

And the gifts.  A table full.  I haven't had so much to unwrap since I was a kid.  Which goes along with the old school theme, I suppose.  It was SO nice to be SO loved by SO many people -- from family to friends from so many periods and parts of life.

Funny: when everyone started gathering for the birthday song and cake, it was all I could do not to sing along; I'm usually the one holding the cake, or taking pictures, or recording. It took some a moment to remind myself that everyone was singing for me!  I had to force myself to stay in the center of the circle, and smile.  And once I accepted and allowed that in my heart, I could truly and fully appreciate and receive the well wishing. In the end, I'm glad that I gave myself this opportunity for people to shower me with love. Not so much with their presents, but their presence.  Both on this day and in my life all these years. 

Best! Birthday! Ever!

13.1

I've been told that if I ever run another 1/2 marathon, I'll be disappointed: no one produces like Disney. From bib pickup to expo to starting bell -- not a bell, but fireworks! -- to running through the theme parks, whilst Disney staff, music, and characters cheered us on. Runners themselves got into the Tinkerbell spirit.  I don't think I've seen so many wings or so much tulle in my life (on both women and men)! It was a memorable experience indeed.

What a great way to start the year: crossing the finish line arm in arm with my oldest, closest friends!

From being someone who vehemently declared that I was not a runner, that I would never run, the last seven months have been quite a transformation -- mentally and physically. Here I am, a runner.  And the process taught me, all over again, that it's never to late to change. And that if I can change, anyone can.

The bestie is already talking about the Coast to Coast Race Challenge.  Hmm....

The perfect souvenir

When my coworker told me she was going out of town to spend the holidays with her sister and new niece in Fort Bragg, my eyes visibly widened and I let out a quite audible, "Eep!"

"Is that a few hours north of San Francisco?" I asked.

"Yes; they moved up there for my brother-in-law's job. How have you heard of Fort Bragg?"

"That's where one of my favorite breweries is!"

We consulted a bit on an embroidery project she was working on for the new baby, and went our separate holiday ways at nenmatsu. Though we started work again last week, today's the first day I actually saw her. And this is what she brought back for me:

[north coast brewery sampler]

Eep -- I can't wait to try them all!

I suggested to my coworker that if she wants to visit her sister and niece again, I am confident in my northbound driving, so maybe we can go together, stay a few days in Fort Bragg (so I can visit the brewery!) and hang out in SF or the Fort Bragg environs.  She was enthusiastic.  And the Presidents Day holiday is upcoming.  It seems plans may be afoot.

Resolutions review

It's the last day of the year and time to look back before heading into 2012. Here's how I fared on my resolutions:

Be Good to Myself: Be intentional about and take ownership of my life

Do

• find a new job -- Nope; still working on some ideas, though.


• find a new home -- Yes! I love my lil' studio!


• travel internationally -- Yes! Japan, Jamaica, Italy


• join a book club -- Nope. But I read a lot this year: White Teeth, The Year of Magical Thinking, The Glass Castle, The Kite Runner, On the Road


• blog regularly -- Yes! 76 posts: much more than in 2010.


• finish all current WIPs (craft projects + books) -- Nope; they are still stating at me.

Learn

• learn how to use my dslr -- Nope; I actually stopped using it in favor of my iPhone camera. Then I had a problem with the lens. But it's fixed now, and I have a friend who will teach me photography in 2012, huzzah!


• maximze iPhone capability (Evernote or Springpad?) -- Yes! In addition to Springpad, I discovered Instagram, audio books, podcasts, and a bunch of other apps for news, music, and getting life done.  I love my iPhone!

Make

• build a piece of furniture -- Nope. I was all set to build a daybed for the studio but found one on Craigslist.


• sew a garment -- Yes! I made vests for MyKo's kinder kids.


• knit for myself -- Yes! Striped cowl, rainbow stripe knee highs, and a pink shawl that was never blogged

Explore

• buy a new food at each farmers market -- Yes! Eggplant


• try a new restaurant each month -- I didn't keep track, but I don't think so.


• watch a movie in the theater each quarter -- Yes! 50/50, Midnight in Paris, Cars2, Puss in Boots, The Naked Island, Postcard


• do a new activity each month -- Yes! January -- Explore Abbot Kinney Boulevard & discover Intelligentsia coffee; February -- Rose Bowl Flea Market; March -- Ash Wednesday at Our Lady of Angels Cathedral; April -- Hike the Sam Merrill Trail to Echo Mountain ; May -- Jamaica!; June -- Help plan and throw MyKo's bridal shower; July -- Visit the Bowers Museum; August -- Read prayers in three languages at MyKo's wedding!; September -- First visit and purchase at estate sale ; October -- Wine tasting in Italy!; November --  watch my brother's debut taiko performance; December -- Drive alone up to San Francisco

Be Good to My Body: Maintain a healthy lifestyle + gain five meaningful pounds

Rhythms

• don't be online after 10p -- Nope


• sleep by 11p -- Nope


• wake up at 6:30a -- Nope


• eat breakfast (not just coffee) -- Nope

Exercise

• stretch daily -- Nope


• 30 situps + pushups daily -- Nope


• run -- Yes!  I started in May!


• take a yoga or pilates class -- Nope

Be Good to My Wallet: Invest in myself

• pay off debt -- Nope (but almost there!)


• invest -- Nope


• tithe regularly and joyfully -- Yes!


• start a savings account -- Yes!


• don't buy anything new -- Nope.  I strayed here and more recently with a pair of long running pants for cold days.

Be Good to Others: Deepen relationships

• spend time with God daily (prayer, BCP, My Utmost for His Highest) -- Nope (not daily)


• write one letter each week; remember birthdays -- Yes!


• quit taking it personally (qtip) -- Not entirely, but much improvement made.


• seek healing and reconciliation in strained or broken relationships -- I'll always be working on this; am learning to both draw boundaries, and to accept.

There are slightly more "Nopes" than "Yes!s" but I can live with that.  Some of the "Nopes" were actually successes -- for example, I didn't join a book club, but I read more books last year than I had for at least two years before that. And, I didn't build a piece of furniture, but the Craigslist score was better in terms of price, time, and energy, and it was the exact piece I wanted.  I'm most disapponted in my fitness failures, but at least I started running.  It was a huge leap not just in terms of feeling stronger, but to witness and push my own transformation.

This review will help me shape my resolutions for 2012, which I'm still working on.  I'm also using this set (pdf) of questions from the Simple Mom blog.  Did you make any resolutions?  What are they?!  Do share!

Christmas cards 2011

It took me a long while to come up with my Christmas card design for this year.  I thought I wanted to shy away from stamps, since I'd used them the previous two years, but in the end, a stamp is my most efficient cardmaking friend.  I toyed around with different ideas to practice, and a little light bulb turned out to be the final for most of my cards.  I also carved a snowflake and a star from a couple penciltop erasers.  They're awfully cute!

For the past couple of weeks I have been carrying around my cardmaking supplies, creating a card here, a card there... during lunch, a few minutes after work (before heading down to the post office), at home before bed.  Here's what I've been using:

• My favorite Fabriano Medioevalis cardstock


• Hand-carved stamps


• Black stamp pad


• "Satin rose" stamp pad


• Sharpies


• Japanese glitter and metallic pens

It was fun to bust out the old Japanese pens; they add just the right amount of sparkle and shine worthy of a holidlay card.  For the most part, though, the cards are pretty plain. Here's an example:

I explored a few different designs but ended up with an asymmetrical string of lights across the front of the card.  At first I randomly stamped the light bulb and added the "cord" with a black Sharpie, but then started drawing the line first and stamping afterwards.  Some have the bulbs colored in, too.  Just whatever I felt like.  I added stars or snowflakes in rose gold.  "merry and bright!" is the phrase I used most often; but some cards say "comfort + joy" or "happy holidays" or the four Advent themes of "hope, joy, love, peace."

Today is the last day I'll be making cards, as time's basically up.  I didn't pressure myself this year to write to everyone in my address book.  Instead, I just jotted names and addresses as they came to mind.  No-pressure cardwriting, what a concept.

I'll spend the next few days penning some new year's cards to send abroad, since I didn't come up with the design in time.  Better get to practicing my Japanese!

Still strewn

A few days after the Sunday LA Times Travel section finally featured my neck of the woods in its series highlighting various SoCal neighborhoods, the crazy Santa Ana winds paid a visit and left much of the SGV one huge, hot mess.

Three weeks have passed, and the sidewalks are still piled high with broken branches.  As I drive about town, the tress still standing show evidence of their branches twisted and snapped off; lifted sidewalks and root balls the size of cars are common sights; and there are piles of branches, pine needles, and palm fronds broken up here and there by parked cars along the roads. 

Here's a series of photos, where the damage is totally unreal (courtesy of the L.A. Times); it's hard to imagine that a huge tree can fall so suddenly until you see it. And it wasn't just a few, but a few hundred trees that toppled. Below are shots I took on a walk around the block the other day.  This is the street one over from me, which  is lined with huge eucalypus trees that are probably as old as the Craftsman homes there.  In one of the picutures you can see a hydrant, for scale.

Poor, old trees. It makes me sad.

Hyper organization

Delving into pen, ink, and paper blogs has sent me down a rabbit hole into an entirely new-to-me world. Amidst all the reviews and advice, there are stories about actually using these everyday items. And, in turn, the question of personal organization and productivity is asked and answered in many, many ways.

I discovered people who use a different planner for different aspects of their life (e.g. knitting, health & fitness, finances, professional, etc.). That's too much for me; I want to keep as little as possible on me at all times. And as I clicked on to more and more blogs, I found that a lot of people go the DIY or hack route to personalize a calendar or organization scheme to meet their personal needs. Fair enough, right? It's fun and encouraging to read about and see people's ingenuity and creativity. But it also added a lot of options for me, in addition to what's available commercially.

A few weeks ago, as I was pondering and exploring the options, my eye was piqued by the phrase 'nifty Japanese planner' on the sidebar of the DIY planner blog. And it was like falling down yet another, wonderful rabbit hole. Said planner is nifty indeed, a uniquely accordion-folded format, each panel a quarter sheet, each panel divided into eight columns for days of the week plus notes. I like the accordion style because it doesn't necessitate a separate month view (which Moleskine's weekly doesn't have and desperately needs!). Which means I wouldn't have to write things twice (once on the monthly, once on the week view). Each panel is 1/4 of a regular sheet of paper; printed double-sided, I can get a whole year in six pages. Not bad!

Of course I obsessed about the origin and evolution of this system. It was designed by an economist named Yukio Noguchi. There's not a whole lot of information in English, despite the face that he spent time at Yale and Stanford. The best one I found was on Postalco's site:

Chou seiri translates to " hyper-organized." These planners (chou seiri techou,「超」整理手帳) are still popular in Japan, and have, in the 15 or so years since their debut, a league of imitators. As you can see above, Postalco reimagined their version of the calendar, complete with leather or pressed cotton folio cover. Standard inserts and covers are easily available on Amazon Japan, too, but I won't have anyone buy it for me for two reasons: standard paper size in Japan is A4; and the weeks are printed with Monday as the first day. Secondarily, Japanese holidays are kind of irrelevant to me.

I found the link to one that someone created (can't find the link anymore) but it still didn't meet my needs: the week still begins on Monday and there is too much wasted margin space. Plus, Tuesday is written, "Tun" and Wednesday, "Wen." Small details, but still. How to get around this? A little DIY with Excel. I set all the margins to zero, created a basic grid, and drew in some boxes. Then I punched in each date separately (couldn't wrap my head around doing it by formulas). A little but of a PITA but not overly taxing. (And I can always leave it blank and write dates in as I go.) Fiddled around some more with formatting, shading the weekends and putting in a grid; and finally came up with this:

It might work! Now I'm cooking up ideas to create some sort of holder, with slots for cards, sticky notes, and blank paper for notes and doodles. Kinda like the original. But custom built for 8 1/2 x 11 and the U.S. calendar. I've been using my beta version for the past month and will give myself until about mid-January to decide what to do for the remainder of 2012. Here's to gettin' everything together for a productive year!

Searching for 2012

I've been buying an analog calendar every year, not so much for plans and productivity but as a means of recording things I've done. I want to pivot more towards using a planner to, well... plan. My default is the Moleskine weekly + notes that has a blank page on the right for notes. A couple of years ago I tried to get by with the pocket monthly, which didn't work for me at all. This year I have a simple, checkbook size (slightly slimmer, slightly longer than Moleskine), which I like because I can use my fountain pen without ink feathering or bleeding all over the place (new vocabulary words!). But, for some reason, I haven't really loved it.

As the year winds down, I am thinking more and more of how to organize myself for 2012. What to do? Will I go back to the Moleskine pocket weekly? Or try the vertical or panoramic versions? Or should I check out the Muji calendar, which my friend swears by? Or dig up my old Day Runner (when they were in, in high school -- can I find it?!) and get a refill?

I spent a good hour flipping through the wide selection of panners and calendars at my local independent bookstore. Quo Vadis, Letts, At-A-Glance, Moleskine (the tiny day-per-page planners are so cute but entirely not functional for me), and tons more, including the Standard Daily that is the reason I alwasy keep an analog calendar (my parents used to get one of these from the office each year. One year I found and old one and spent hours poring through its contents, many of which were milestones and small moments in my brother's and my life -- first day of school, dentist appointment, etc. -- in my mom's distinct hand, complete with little hearts. Call me narcissistic, but I want my child(ren) to have the same experience one day). Sadly, after flipping through dozens of planners, I still wasn't able to commit to any of the ones at the store.

Last weekend I stopped by Kinokuniya to see their collection of Japanese planners.  They're awfully, awfully cute, and so nostalgic, but the Japanese week begins on Monday, which skews my monthly view.  When I lived there it made sense to go with the flow, but back here I need the week to visually start on Sunday when I look at a monthlong spread.  Unfortunately, this makes J planners categorically unusable for me.  *sigh* I've got three weeks to make a decision, and, ideally, the quicker the better, as I'm already scheduling appointments for January (yikes!). How are you organizing your day and your life for 2012?

Decorigami

After a week of staring into a computer screen, emceeing events, and escorting people, all I wanted to do was relax and have a solo self-care evening. In addition to doing some culinary exploring, I sat down to turn my latest J.Crew catalog into a set of paper ornaments to string up in my apartment for the holidays. It felt really good to do something tactile and soothing to repeat the symmetrical origami pleats.

At first I was going todo what Katrina, of the clever and lovely Pugly Pixel blog, did with one of her catalogs. But I really have no use for tiny (albeit awfully cute) envelopes (though they'd be great centered on plain cardstock to dress up a gift card). And the catalog paper is awfully thin. Yes, paper balloons was the way forward for me.

Et voila. I especially like the one made of the ballet flats and sequin tank tops.

There was a stack of obsolete A4 memo paper pads at work; I added some red lines with a Sharpie and started folding. Result: candy cane origami balloons! I'm not done yet, but these are quick enough to bust out in between my little activities at home (making coffee, checking mail, tidying).  Other blogs suggest popping these guys onto a string of twinkle lights, but I don't think I will this year.  I hope to string them up by week's end.

What a fun, simple, and recyclable way to dress up my little apartment.  And who knows?  They may stay up a bit longer than regular ol' Christmas decor... How is your holiday decorating going?

Inklings

[dad's pen]

My dad doesn't even remember how he got this pen, but my brother and I remember it from our childhood. Cleaning out an old desk a few years ago, I chanced upon and claimed it. But it was full of dried up, crusty ink. Even after buying a new converter nothing would come out of the feed. Frustrated, I put it aside, where it stayed for a good year or more.

A few months ago I brought the old fountain pen to a shop and had it professionally cleaned. The shop owner told me that even he had trouble, it was entirely clogged. He also told me that the entire tip of the nib was missing, giving it a small, flat edge a bit like a calligraphy pen.

[pilot fp cap + nib]

I did some research on what type of pen I had; the only markings on it are the brand name, Pilot, on the cap, and "14k" and "pilot" on the nib. A quick browse through eBay put the pen in the 1970s-1980s range, which is about right. I didn't see any with the decorative design on the cap like my pen has and am left to wonder about that.

Now that the pen's in working condition, I've been on a kick to play around with it and also to do more research into purchasing a fine pen for myself. It's harder for a lefty like me, for whom holding the pen tilted to the left results in "pushing" instead of "pulling" the ink from the feed. Even with this pen, sometimes I have to write with it "up-side down," where the feed is over the nib instead of vice-versa.

My research has opened up to me the world of pen, ink, and paper blogs, which I find fascinating.  I am appreciating the passion and detail with which these bloggers write their reviews and experiences with such a variety of writing implements.  My pen-related vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds, as is my knowledge of the same.  Perhaps I'll find my perfect left-handed fountain pen sooner rather than later after all.  The search is on!

Packed

I'm packed and ready to head to Italy! Here's what I have for nine days and nights:



In the backpack (above):

• Peep toe platforms


• Flip flops


• B&W striped calf length leggings


• Black leggings


• Lacy foot socks, 3 pr


• Bathing suit


• Goggles


• Black capris (channeling Ms. Hepburn)


• Gold high-waisted pants


• LT grey khaki cutofffs


• Long sleeve denim snap shirt


• Tan merino cardigan


• Travel skirt (can pull up to strapless dress)


• Grey cotton dress (pajamas that can double as an outfit w/ leggings)


• Tanks, white, yellow & white, magenta


• Camisoles, navy, white


• Sheer hexagon print top


• Sheer metallic ribbon top


• Brown cotton ruffle lace t shirt


• Floral print t shirt


• Ribbon hat


• Pink handknit shawl


• Leopard print neck scarf


• Cosmetics


• Toiletries

 

Worn:

• Black cashmere sweater


• Dark wash jeans


• Foot socks


• White blazer


• Loafers

Purse (above):

• Wallet


• Passport


• Phone


• Earphones


• Adapter


• Charging cord


• Travel wetnaps


• DSLR camera


• Scarf-cum-camera wrap


• Glasses


• Sunglasses


• Eye patch


• Ear plugs


• Umbrella (rain forecasted!)


• Handkerchiefs, 2


• Moleskine


• Lip balm


• Eco bag

Tucked in a linen napkin and tenugui after reading an email, from the trip coordinator, warning that Italian hotels tend not to provide washcloths.

We'll see how well I did as the trip goes. Weather us supposed to be like So Cal, in which case I am quite confident. Off I go--ciao!

Sound of Music sing-along

What a wonderful way to ring an end to the summer! I was last here six years ago, and though the bouncing ball has given way to a higher-tech color-changing scheme, the crowd was still festive and lively. This year's costume contest winners were a group of children dressed in shiny gold bodysuits; standing on top of small platforms, they were dressed as the Oscars won by the Sound of Music. Their grandmother found the fabric and made the suits for them. Super cool.

If you're in LA about this time, the Hollywood Bowl is a quintessential summer outing. Next year we plan on checking out the "Grease" sing-along. Who's in?!

Leaving!

I'm leaving for Japan! For work! A day sooner than I had in my head! Now I feel very unprepared and rushed. And foiled are my plans to hit up garage and estate sales in Saturday.

Cowled

There's a small and not-so-known section of my office that's open to the public, meaning that a part of my job is fielding questions from people who come in. Because it's small and not-so-known, there aren't a whole lot of visitors; but there are some regulars. (This is sometimes good, sometimes not.)

One such party stopped by not too long ago (they ask for me by first name, like we're old friends; it's kinda weird but what can ya do?) to say hello. We struck up some smalltalk as we usually do. And suddenly the conversation heads thusward:

Mr. A: So...if I may... May I ask, how old is Jean?

Me: Jean is old enough.

Mr. A: You're not in your 50s, are you? 40s?

Me: [Incredulous, unsure if this is a joke] ... Umm... Try somewhere in my 30s...

Mr. A: oh, really? Because you seem so old.

Me: [Incredulous, unsure if this is a joke] ... Umm, really? Are you serious? Is that a ... compliment?

Mr. A: Oh, of course! Young people these days are just so .... But you're nothing like that. You've always carried yourself with such maturity. ... And I have this friend, who I thought, maybe... He's 61--

Me: [Still incredulous, still unsure if this is a joke, but not caring to find out] -- That's almost double, sir.

Mr. A: Oh, well... [mumble mumble]...

Me: I have to go back to work now. Bye.

Good grief! I've never been told that I look old before! Is it because of my new haircut? I don't think so! People have told me that I look more like my mom, but also that it's a cute cut. What do you think?

[self, cowled]

While I'm at it, allow me to introduce my first FO of the year. It's the Stripes to Keep Me Warm pattern (Ravelry link) with a few mods: knit in fingering weight yarn, with shortened neck part, because I knew I would never use it as a hood/wimple. I actually didn't quite like the 'scrunch' factor, either, so ended up folding the edge inside. I wore it the other day over a sleeveless black dress and grey flats, and felt very chic.